"May the peace of God be with you," she says, her voice low, "even in the midst of trouble."
"Why would it?" I say softly, so no one else can hear. "After all I've done..."
It's usually around this time of year that I reorganize my life by setting new routines, goals, and if I'm lucky, good habits as I get back into the swing of school (now work). I started a journal in 2011 that covers the months of August through about October for the past three years. Each year I have revised and added to goals I made on September 7, 2011 in hopes of continuously trying to achieve them though my attempts consistently fail. A couple weeks ago as I reflected on the revised goals I made this time last year, I became discouraged and disappointed in myself as I realized the lack of progress made with some of those goals due to choices I have made over the past year. I haven't completely mastered the concept yet, but I am learning the process of forgiving myself.
I am mostly surprised and somewhat proud that I haven't completely abandoned this blog since my first post almost four years ago. Despite the often lengthy time between shared thoughts and the frequent grammatical errors, I feel it is a good representation of what I have learned through past experiences (good and bad) and how going through those experiences, that at the time I may have resented, have all taken part in shaping who I am today.
Something I have put a lot of thought into lately is the concept of self-acceptance. Through some recent experiences of my own and ones I have observed others going through, I have noticed that self-acceptance is easy to neglect. At the same time, I have noticed many people in and out of my life who live according to their own desires (which do not always coincide with the Church's standards) yet rejoice in the word of the Lord. I used to think these people were hypocritical. However, as I have thought more in depth about the lives they lead, I am less judgmental of their choices and somewhat more envious of their self-acceptance.
I say this but please do not mistake my words for me discounting the fact that we should always be making a conscious effort to be better. Striving to be better should always be the goal as there is always room for improvement. The message I am trying to convey is that although there is always room for improvement, we should judge ourselves less harshly for past mistakes. Scratch that; we should let our God be our judge as He is the only all-knowing being and therefore the only one who will view our mistakes justly. We should practice more patience and charity when self-reflecting and we should endeavor to forgive ourselves more often. Feelings of self-doubt, uncertainty and insecurity will never harvest positive thoughts, words and actions or motivate favorable change. Self-acceptance and positive self-reflection will allow for forgiveness of past mistakes and encourage strength to make better decisions in the future. As I stated, I am still learning this process and though it is a continuous work in progress, it's a goal most all of us could set to be better at. Be kind to yourself and you'll find that with greater self-acceptance comes more happiness in life and a more optimistic view of the future.
"It isn't about you," she says. "It is a gift. You cannot earn it, or it ceases to be a gift."
3.10.2014
sleepless Sunday nights that turn into Monday mumblings
When I began this blog, I did not intend to bring religion into many of my posts. This wasn't because I am embarrassed or ashamed to do so, but because even though I didn't expect many people to read them, I wanted them to be applicable, uplifting and inspiring to anyone who did regardless of their belief in God or lack thereof. I am realizing now though, that with each post, although far and few in between lately, I include some aspect of my religion because it makes me who I am and fuels the thoughts I have about life's experiences. An experience I recently went through led me to question religion for a moment. I did not doubt my beliefs or faith in Jesus Christ, but I admit that I wanted to pretend they didn't exist for a minute. Life without religious differences was desirable to me. Life without concern of the future or sacrifices I'd have to make now to reach more long term goals seemed blissful. I felt anger towards God for giving me such great knowledge and understanding of His plan. I wanted to live carefree and experience all that life had to offer without rules and guidelines established by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I wanted to, but I could not. I could not deny the confirmation of the truthfulness of the gospel that I have felt on a number of different occasions. I could pretend for moments at a time that my religion did not have to interfere with how I wanted to live life at the moment, but I could never fully deny that it did and I am honestly grateful that it does interfere. I am grateful for my knowledge and understanding of God's eternal plan because it makes these times in life and the sacrifices reluctantly made not only bearable but enjoyable because I know that I am one step closer to the next part of His plan for my life and that with each step, I am becoming more like the person He wants me to become despite my occasional resistance. "God wants us to be happy and God gets what He wants." At times when I think I know what will make me momentarily happy, I am always reminded that God is more interested in my eternal happiness and will provide a way for me to reach that if I submit to His will and move forward with faith and patience. And by living in a way that is pleasing to Him, according to our own individual circumstances, we are sure to find happiness along the way as He blesses us and shows His hand in our daily lives while we patiently come to see, little by little, the beautiful plan He has for each one of us unfold before our eyes.
11.23.2013
November stuff and stuffing
I suppose this post marks the end of the unintentional blog hiatus I have been on for the past year or so. I never forgot about it, I just wasn't sure what to write about. It seems that time goes by faster and faster as I grow older and it is hard to believe that it has almost been a year since I moved to Logan to complete my education; a time that was very challenging for me as I tried to anticipate plans after graduation but was unsure of what the future held. In my first post when I started this blog almost three years ago (that's weird to think about...), I wrote that I would like to work with children who have disabilities in an educational setting following graduation. I am currently working for Canyons School District as a Certified Occupational Therapy Assistant and am so grateful this position was placed in my path. The joy I receive from serving the students on my caseload each day reaffirms my love for occupational therapy and I am constantly reminded of how much I have to be grateful for. Elder Jeffrey R. Holland of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, whom I have grown to admire, respect, love and cherish for the many words he has spoken that have changed my life on several different occasions, put it best when he said, "I bear witness of that day when loved ones whom we knew to have disabilities in mortality will stand before us glorified and grand, breathtakingly perfect in body and mind. What a thrilling moment that will be! I do not know whether we will be happier for ourselves that we have witnessed such a miracle or happier for them that they are fully perfect and finally "free at last." Until that hour when Christ's consummate gift is evident to us all, may we live by faith, hold fast to hope, and show compassion one of another."
Friends, we have so much to be thankful for, to be happy about, and to do before our time in this life is finished. Just over two years ago, I read a talk written by President Gordon B. Hinckley entitled This I Believe. He said, "What a therapeutic and wonderful thing it is for a man or woman to set aside all consideration of personal gain and reach out with strength and energy and purpose to help the unfortunate, to improve the community, to clean up the environment, and to beautify our surroundings. No man can live fully and happily who lives only unto himself."
True happiness in this life comes from serving others and doing good to those around us. "But before ye seek for riches, seek ye for the kingdom of God. And after ye have obtained a hope in Christ ye shall obtain riches, if ye seek them; and ye will seek them for the intent to do good - to clothe the naked, and to feed the hungry, and to liberate the captive, and administer relief to the sick and the afflicted." - Jacob 2:18, 19
It has been almost a year since I last shared some thoughts on the internet machine. Perhaps the holiday season has inspired me. Let it inspire you as well. Let your hearts be full of compassion, love, gratitude and hope this Thanksgiving and carry those feelings with you throughout the month of December as we celebrate the birth of Christ. I cannot think of a better way to show appreciation for the life He gave than by striving to live as He did.
Friends, we have so much to be thankful for, to be happy about, and to do before our time in this life is finished. Just over two years ago, I read a talk written by President Gordon B. Hinckley entitled This I Believe. He said, "What a therapeutic and wonderful thing it is for a man or woman to set aside all consideration of personal gain and reach out with strength and energy and purpose to help the unfortunate, to improve the community, to clean up the environment, and to beautify our surroundings. No man can live fully and happily who lives only unto himself."
True happiness in this life comes from serving others and doing good to those around us. "But before ye seek for riches, seek ye for the kingdom of God. And after ye have obtained a hope in Christ ye shall obtain riches, if ye seek them; and ye will seek them for the intent to do good - to clothe the naked, and to feed the hungry, and to liberate the captive, and administer relief to the sick and the afflicted." - Jacob 2:18, 19
It has been almost a year since I last shared some thoughts on the internet machine. Perhaps the holiday season has inspired me. Let it inspire you as well. Let your hearts be full of compassion, love, gratitude and hope this Thanksgiving and carry those feelings with you throughout the month of December as we celebrate the birth of Christ. I cannot think of a better way to show appreciation for the life He gave than by striving to live as He did.
11.27.2012
"just like a father would"
A few weeks ago, after seeing me struggle with something for quite a prolonged period of time, I was told to begin listing things that I am grateful for each day by someone to whom I cannot tell no: my mother. Almost a year ago, I started a gratitude journal in which I listed something that I was grateful for every day for two consecutive months. However, my lack of ability to complete most goals that I set for myself kicked in and I suddenly stopped recording things. When my mother suggested I begin this again, I was hesitant because my attitude wasn't what it should be and my stubbornness told myself that it wouldn't help my given situation. I didn't pick up where I had left off with listing at least one thing every day but I did begin to mentally note things to be grateful for. Within a short amount of time, my outlook on life and the current events taking place began to become more optimistic. The season helped too as I was continuously reminded to be grateful with Thanksgiving just around the corner.
Through gratitude, the Lord will grace us with His peace and provide us with insight as to why we are faced with the trials in our lives. I am thankful for the many words unknowingly spoken for my benefit, for the many people who unknowingly contribute to my happiness and for the always apparent hand the Lord has in my life that pushes me to become stronger each and every day as He "gently shows me my weakness and then teaches me how to change, just like a Father would."
Through gratitude, the Lord will grace us with His peace and provide us with insight as to why we are faced with the trials in our lives. I am thankful for the many words unknowingly spoken for my benefit, for the many people who unknowingly contribute to my happiness and for the always apparent hand the Lord has in my life that pushes me to become stronger each and every day as He "gently shows me my weakness and then teaches me how to change, just like a Father would."
9.20.2012
blessings in disguise
As I anticipate what's to come in the near and distant future, I have been thinking a lot about the past and seeing how each moment (triumph or failure) and how each person has led me to where I am now, which is where I feel I am suppose to be. I remember very vividly one night during my senior year of high school sitting at a restaurant with my parents and not being able to eat my dinner because of my situation at the time. I publicly cried (something I hate doing and something my best friend whom I have known for nine years hadn't even seen me do until just over a month ago) as I explained my frustrations to my parents. I had originally planned on attending Weber State University with hopes of pursuing a career in radiology. However, after a fall out with my best friend at the time that was also planning on attending the university and after receiving a rejection letter to a scholarship opportunity I had applied for, I was reconsidering my decision but I didn't have a second plan. After much thought, I decided to stay at home and begin taking the prerequisite courses for the Radiology Program at SLCC. This decision led me to a biology course that introduced me to a classmate who suggested occupational therapy which brought me to the OTA Program and gave me the opportunity to go to Africa where I gained the strength to make some much needed changes when I returned home that have made me, I'm told, a noticeably happier person. I have realized through all of these things, that that situation I considered to be a trial during my senior year has in fact actually been a glorious blessing in disguise and that most all of the trials I have faced in the past have been blessings in disguise because they have, in one way or another, made me the person I am today. I'm not perfect and I am nowhere near the person I strive to become but I am better than the person I have been in the past.
All of that being said... to be the person you strive to become, change is necessary and that isn't a concept I have always been extremely fond of. Change is hard but as Rafiki says, "Ahh. Change is good." Change is the only way to progress and although it isn't easy, it will be worth it. A few changes have happened in my life recently and I anticipate some more major changes happening shortly. I fear them but I look forward to them because I have learned that temporary trials can later become lasting blessings. All we have to do is put our faith in God and trust that His plans for our life far exceed the circumstances of our day.
All of that being said... to be the person you strive to become, change is necessary and that isn't a concept I have always been extremely fond of. Change is hard but as Rafiki says, "Ahh. Change is good." Change is the only way to progress and although it isn't easy, it will be worth it. A few changes have happened in my life recently and I anticipate some more major changes happening shortly. I fear them but I look forward to them because I have learned that temporary trials can later become lasting blessings. All we have to do is put our faith in God and trust that His plans for our life far exceed the circumstances of our day.
"it feels like God visits everywhere else but lives in Africa"
I have been hesitant to attempt putting the experiences I had in Africa into words because I know that whatever I write will not even begin to do them justice. However, I would like to share most of the journal entries written during my time there as they will probably be the best way to illustrate what taught me the lessons I learned. I say "most" because I cannot share all of those entries due to the fact that the ones not included are simply too personal but I think the ones I have chosen will suffice. Just a quick warning... the entries are pretty lengthy and there are many of them. If you don't want to read them but are still wondering what I learned, check out the last part of this post. That being said, here goes nothing!
July 7th, 2012
"We made it to Mombasa and stayed in the Koins Community Center last night. I woke up on the wrong side of the bunk bed this morning and my mood didn't improve when I cut my finger on the bathroom door and convinced myself that I would get AIDS. However, it became impossible to continue feeling sorry for myself when a large number of African children greeted us with dancing and singing and then led us into the village of Vikolani. Kenya is beautiful. Even the smell of body odor becomes bearable once you meet the people it comes from. Each and every one of them is so welcoming, kind and happy. It's an attitude of enjoying the simple things in life that we should all try to achieve.
Once arriving in Vikolani, the students danced and sang more for us to welcome us into the village. Together we all worked on finishing our mud huts which we will be staying in after tonight. The children who were helping me were completely mesmerized by me. I have never felt so white in my entire life. As we worked, many of them repeated my name over and over again. One of the young girls, Maselina, followed me everywhere repeating, "Jamie, Jamie, Jamie." I have a good feeling about the service I will be able to provide and the change I will make in Kenya. I can also see the change Kenya will make in me.
Today was a very eye-opening day. Going into this, I expected to be helping the people more than they would be helping us. I realize now that I was very wrong to think that. Because we will be staying in mud huts in the village of Vikolani, the villagers had our huts almost completely built. The only thing left to do was fill in the remaining holes with mud. After doing this, about six young girls swarmed around me to clean the mud off of my hands. I was so shocked at how willing these children of every age were to assist in building the huts for us and how welcoming each of them was. I will never forget how unworthy I felt as the girls cleaned my hands but also the admiration that I had for them at that time. I only hope to obtain a portion of the nurturing skills that each one of them is naturally born with. Even the smallest bit of those skills would be so much greater than most can imagine."
July 8th, 2012
"It's a beautiful Sunday morning here in the city of Mombasa. The ride from the village feels a lot like being on the ride Indiana Jones at Disneyland. We are attending church at the Changamwe Branch this morning. The opening hymn sung was "Count Your Blessings". I can't think of a more appropriate song to sing this morning. Being here and seeing how these people live makes my gratitude for the life I have been given grow exponentially. I am so grateful for all of the blessings the Lord has given me. Everything here seems somewhat surreal. It's hard for me to grasp the reality that these people live in these conditions 365 days a year. I am just worried about surviving the next two weeks. Despite the lack of clean water, shoes, and other simple necessities, the people here are the happiest and most hard working people I have ever met - two qualities I hope to be able to improve throughout this experience. The closing hymn today will be "There Is Sunshine in My Soul Today". What a true statement. Thinking of you, Craigers."
July 9th, 2012
"Last night after returning from church and shopping in the city, we were greeted once again by the children with singing and dancing, welcoming us as we moved into their village. Maselina held my hand and walked with me until we arrived. They treat us like we are famous. When the girls swarm around me I feel a little bit like a Disney Princess or something. I notice them watching my every move and I realize that my example could possibly have the greatest effect on them as opposed to anything else I do. Although feeling so welcomed and loved already, I realize that this is going to be hard. Last night was a little bit rough. Lying in my hammock in our mud hut under the big, starry African sky, a few tears rolled down my cheeks. I'm homesick and tired and completely out of my element and then I realized how foolish I was being. I noticed that in the whole time I have been here, out of all the African children I have seen, only one of them cried. At that moment, I stopped telling the Lord how many things were getting me down and started thanking him for how many things lift me up every day.
This morning we helped the women fetch water from the pond and carry it to people in the village who were too ill to fetch it themselves. These women carry the buckets full of water on top of their heads with ease. I thought at many times that the water I was carrying would fall from my head and I would have to start over. The work these women do is unbelievable. They start at the crack of dawn and don't stop until the day is done. These people, in my opinion, are some of the greatest people God has created. I'm looking for Him in them and He is not hard to find at all. They've got all of the qualities we deem as Christ like... Qualities God wants all of us to obtain.
After performing daily chores with the locals, (milking goats, vaccinating turkeys, planting trees, etc.) I admire even more so the work these people do. I can't imagine doing activities like those every day. Looking out at the starry clear sky, I'm thinking of how it relates to life right now. The stars are bright and clear and closer than I've ever seen them. There is no electricity so they are easier to see. At home, city lights make the stars less noticeable. When you are in this place, everything becomes clearer. The simple things are the best things and it is easier to forget the things of the world and focus on people - children of God. At home I have responsibilities, commitments and duties. Here, I have them as well but they pertain completely to serving others as opposed to doing something for myself. When I am here I feel like I'm in God's hands, giving myself to Him to use for physical and spiritual service. I'm finding Him in each of them and I'm hoping that they will see the Light of Christ when they look at me."
July 10, 2012
"Today we spent the day in Bofu teaching at the school. My group and I taught the water cycle to an eighth grade class. Following our lesson, we opened it up for any questions that the kids had. Many of them asked questions about America and we taught them a little bit about our lifestyle. Following that, one boy asked a final question. He said, "If the lifestyle is so great in America, why did you come here?"
On our way home, we passed a house with words painted on the door that said, "Look at your life. Don't look at mine." I came here expecting to make a difference in their lives and to try to make them better. Although this is happening, it is important to also look at my own life. This whole expedition would be a waste if it didn't inspire me to love the life I live and to make changes within myself to become a better person. If I don't take what I learn from the experiences I have had and will still have, it will be all for nothing."
July 14th, 2012
(After returning from the safari) "We are back home in our mud huts. It's raining in Africa and it feels like a good time to share some thoughts. Last night we stayed in an extremely nice hotel complete with beds, toilets, running water and a buffet. After staying in a hut with only hammocks and a dirt floor, you would assume that staying in the hotel would have felt incredible. I was very grateful for the luxuries provided but at the same time I felt somewhat spoiled and undeserving. After seeing the conditions in which the people of Vikolani live in, I realize that things I used to consider necessities are not necessities at all but merely privileges. All of the added things we have are simply blessings that most of us take for granted. We have an old sheet hanging in our mud hut for the purpose of writing things at home that we have gained an appreciation for while living here. But as I look at the words on the sheet, I'm seeing how many of those things that we are grateful for are also often times distractions. Things like iPhones and Internet and other electronic devices. They can be used for good but they can also hinder us from doing activities such as serving others or helping those around us. I hope I will remember this. That the things of the world aren't as important as the people you can meet and the experiences you can have without them."
July 15th, 2012
"Last night we were able to use a projector to show a few movie clips to the people in the village. It was very cool to be able to be there with them as they experienced motion picture for the first time. My girls sat in my lap and all around me as we watched. At home I watch movies with my friends all the time. We spend lots of time trying to decide what movie to watch and where to watch it. Here, none of that mattered. We sat on the dirt ground with nothing to complain about except that the night had to end. The simplicity of everything here makes life enjoyable and easy. The people don't focus on what is going wrong or how things could be better. They are grateful for what they have and enjoy the small things in life. They are happy, truly happy. There is a phrase heard often here that is somewhat like "hakuna matata". "Sawa, sawa." It means, "It's all good." Life is good."
I woke up with a head cold this morning so I'm not feeling too great this afternoon. I'll be okay though. This morning we were able to attend a Christian sermon at Mnyenzeni Secondary School. I had never been to a church service that wasn't an LDS one so I was very excited to see the similarities and differences. The school classroom held our group as well as the secondary aged girls and the man conducting the service. When we arrived, the girls were singing praises to God. "Praise God", they would say over and over again. The service began by five of the girls sharing their testimonies with us. Some expressed gratitude for the guidance God gives us and others sang. I immediately felt the Spirit. It is the same Spirit I feel at home. It is the Spirit of God. I could feel His presence when I heard them speak and sing. It was then our group's turn to share our testimonies. Today I had the opportunity to stand in front of the young women in that school and the members of my group and tell them of my belief in God and the love He has for each and every one of us. "Praise God", I said. Because the sermon was full of songs, our group was invited to sing as well. We chose to sing "I Am a Child of God", The Spirit of God" and "Nearer My God to Thee" along with a few others. After singing and dancing and praising God, we listened to the man conducting the meeting teach us about love. Before doing so though, he commented on our singing. "They have some type of musical instrument inside their souls," he said. I will never forget how powerful music can be in bringing the Spirit. There is a major communication barrier between us and the Kenyans. But today as we sang, as we worshipped the same God, we realized that we are all children of Him. No matter the color of your skin or the country in which you live, He loves us all with His perfect love. The same love that He showed when He gave his only begotten son for us. In the sermon, we were asked, "What are you willing to give up to prove your love for God?" For us, He gave His son Jesus Christ. What can we give in return? Following the beautiful service, a small group of us were able to gather together at the Koins Community Center to partake of the sacrament. I am so grateful for the worthy young men on this expedition and their willingness to bless the sacrament so that we could renew our covenants with God - to "always remember Him." Perhaps the greatest thing we can give to Him in return."
July 17, 2012
"Yesterday was the first day since I have been here that I didn't write in my journal. Along with the two OT practitioners, I spent the day at the Sean Michels School. The Sean Michels School was built specifically for children with disabilities - kiddos who are very dear to me. In the villages, children who are born with physical or mental disabilities are viewed as bad omens. The school was built to house the children for three months at a time. After that period of time, the children are allowed to go home for one month before returning to the school. The children at the school are truly Heaven sent. What has surprised me most about Africa is the perception most people have of the people here and how distorted that perception is. We assume that because of the poverty and diseases and extremely poor living conditions that the people here are sad but they really aren't. Buffalo, a friend of Baba Bret, explained it like this... The people here are happy, not because of what they have, but because of the knowledge they have that God loves them just as much as anyone else in the world. The Spirit I feel around these people is indescribable. Despite the different beliefs, they all have one thing in common here and that is God. He loves us all the same."
July 18th, 2012
"Yesterday I was able to sit with Maselina at school. She is ten years old and in class four at Vikolani Primary School. The energy and enthusiasm the children here in Africa show in school is so much greater than that of the children in America. Each and every one of them show gratitude for the education they are offered. They appreciate the opportunity to learn and gain knowledge because they understand that it is the key to providing a successful future for themselves. I know that I personally have not always been grateful for the education opportunities I have had. I realize now how lucky I am to be able to receive an education that will provide me with employment opportunities in the future.
This afternoon we have been given a surprise moment of solitude to reflect on this experience. We have been asked to write a personal goal for ourselves, think about how to achieve it, consider obstacles that may get in the way and decide how we will avoid or overcome them. The goal I am setting for myself today is to always remember the people I have met here in Kenya and live my life with them in mind. I have been so blessed in my own life and it would be a complete waste if I were to return home and continue life the way I was living it before coming here. The people have taught me that hard work is the key to prosperity. They have taught me that happiness does not come from things but from people. Finally, they have taught me that gratitude for what we do have makes what we don't have seem very small. I have learned that we are all God's children and that He loves us all the same. He wants us to be happy and to use what He has given us to make others happy. I want to live my life with the experiences I have had here always in my mind. I want to remember the people here each time I eat a meal or go to school or sleep in a warm bed because I know that if I do remember them in every aspect of my life, I will always be grateful for what I have been blessed with. I worry that as time passes I will begin to forget the memories I have of Kenya and the people I have met. I hope that I will always remember the characteristics and qualities they have that I will one day have those same attributes. They are truly Christ like attributes and I believe that is why I feel His Spirit so strongly here. He has been with me every step of the way and has led me to learn some remarkable lessons that I can't wait to share with my friends and family at home."
July 19th, 2012
"Today was our final day in the village of Vikolani. Tomorrow we leave for Mombasa where we will spend the night there before heading for home. Leaving here is bittersweet. When I said goodbye to my friends at home, I cried because I knew I would miss them. Tonight I cried because I will miss the friends I have made here. I wish I could bring Maselina home with me. That girl has grown very dear to me and I wish her all the best in life. I will miss her beautiful smile and addictive laughter.
When I came here, I expected to learn and grow but I never expected to learn so much in such a short amount of time. This morning Maselina's mother stopped by our hut to check on me. Maselina had told her mother that I had been sick and she wanted to see how I was doing. The thoughtfulness and care that the people here have is remarkable. I have learned that concern for one another is one of the greatest qualities a person can have. If we don't care for each other, who will?
I can't put into words how I feel about the past two weeks. The experiences I have had will define who I am for the rest of my life. The people I have met will serve as role models for me and I will never forget the lessons I have learned from each one of them. The Duruma name that I was given is Bayou which means seed. I was told that without the seed, nothing can grow. The growth that has occurred within me over the past two and a half weeks is more than I could have ever imagined. I am eternally grateful for the opportunity to come to Kenya and I will always cherish the memories I have made of this beautiful place."
July 20th, 2012
"This morning we awoke from the last sleep in our hammocks and packed our things. There were some left over school supplies to take to Vikolani Primary School for donation so I offered to drop them off hoping to say goodbye to Maselina and Kupha. The principal of their school told them that they could walk Lisa, Natalie and I to the KCC if they returned to class immediately after. As we walked, I noticed my head pointing downward in order to see the road and avoid stumbling or tripping over the dirt and rocks. I realized at that moment that I was missing out on one last chance to see the village. If we are constantly focused on what is right in front of our faces, we truly miss out on everything surrounding that. It has been so refreshing to step away from the life I have at home for a bit and step into the lives of these Kenyan people. It amazes me how different circumstances can be under the same sky.
We are at an extremely nice hotel just a short distance from the village of Vikolani where the people live in mud huts with dirty water and unimaginable trials to face every single day. I can't help but feel spoiled as I sit in what feels like paradise. I wish that I could do more for them than what has been done. I wish that I could provide a way for each one of them to earn an education and obtain a job that could ensure a better lifestyle than the one they are forced to live. I have never had to say goodbye to someone knowing that I would probably never see them again. It's a very difficult thing to do. I'm missing them already. I just keep wondering "why?" Why was I blessed with such a wonderful life and why are these people who seem so much greater than me forced to live in these conditions. I guess I will never really know that answer, not for awhile at least, but I think maybe part of that reason is to remind me how truly blessed I am, to teach me the importance of hard work and education and to inspire me to share what I have learned with everyone I know."
I learned that the best hand is the helping hand.
I learned that being happy is a choice that is not at all dependent on what you have been given and that gratitude makes what we have been given enough.
I learned that sometimes the simple things in life are the best things in life.
I learned that change must begin within ourselves.
I learned that people and experiences always overrule material things.
I learned that God is the same no matter where life takes us and that His Spirit can be felt wherever we go.
I learned that God loves each and every one of us the same, despite our circumstances.
I learned that we are given specific people in our lives to teach us lessons that will make us better than we are today.
I learned that love for another is the greatest gift that we can offer.
Finally, I learned that sharing what inspires us to do good with others can inspire them to do good as well, which will lead to a better tomorrow for everyone.
July 7th, 2012
"We made it to Mombasa and stayed in the Koins Community Center last night. I woke up on the wrong side of the bunk bed this morning and my mood didn't improve when I cut my finger on the bathroom door and convinced myself that I would get AIDS. However, it became impossible to continue feeling sorry for myself when a large number of African children greeted us with dancing and singing and then led us into the village of Vikolani. Kenya is beautiful. Even the smell of body odor becomes bearable once you meet the people it comes from. Each and every one of them is so welcoming, kind and happy. It's an attitude of enjoying the simple things in life that we should all try to achieve.
Once arriving in Vikolani, the students danced and sang more for us to welcome us into the village. Together we all worked on finishing our mud huts which we will be staying in after tonight. The children who were helping me were completely mesmerized by me. I have never felt so white in my entire life. As we worked, many of them repeated my name over and over again. One of the young girls, Maselina, followed me everywhere repeating, "Jamie, Jamie, Jamie." I have a good feeling about the service I will be able to provide and the change I will make in Kenya. I can also see the change Kenya will make in me.
Today was a very eye-opening day. Going into this, I expected to be helping the people more than they would be helping us. I realize now that I was very wrong to think that. Because we will be staying in mud huts in the village of Vikolani, the villagers had our huts almost completely built. The only thing left to do was fill in the remaining holes with mud. After doing this, about six young girls swarmed around me to clean the mud off of my hands. I was so shocked at how willing these children of every age were to assist in building the huts for us and how welcoming each of them was. I will never forget how unworthy I felt as the girls cleaned my hands but also the admiration that I had for them at that time. I only hope to obtain a portion of the nurturing skills that each one of them is naturally born with. Even the smallest bit of those skills would be so much greater than most can imagine."
July 8th, 2012
"It's a beautiful Sunday morning here in the city of Mombasa. The ride from the village feels a lot like being on the ride Indiana Jones at Disneyland. We are attending church at the Changamwe Branch this morning. The opening hymn sung was "Count Your Blessings". I can't think of a more appropriate song to sing this morning. Being here and seeing how these people live makes my gratitude for the life I have been given grow exponentially. I am so grateful for all of the blessings the Lord has given me. Everything here seems somewhat surreal. It's hard for me to grasp the reality that these people live in these conditions 365 days a year. I am just worried about surviving the next two weeks. Despite the lack of clean water, shoes, and other simple necessities, the people here are the happiest and most hard working people I have ever met - two qualities I hope to be able to improve throughout this experience. The closing hymn today will be "There Is Sunshine in My Soul Today". What a true statement. Thinking of you, Craigers."
July 9th, 2012
"Last night after returning from church and shopping in the city, we were greeted once again by the children with singing and dancing, welcoming us as we moved into their village. Maselina held my hand and walked with me until we arrived. They treat us like we are famous. When the girls swarm around me I feel a little bit like a Disney Princess or something. I notice them watching my every move and I realize that my example could possibly have the greatest effect on them as opposed to anything else I do. Although feeling so welcomed and loved already, I realize that this is going to be hard. Last night was a little bit rough. Lying in my hammock in our mud hut under the big, starry African sky, a few tears rolled down my cheeks. I'm homesick and tired and completely out of my element and then I realized how foolish I was being. I noticed that in the whole time I have been here, out of all the African children I have seen, only one of them cried. At that moment, I stopped telling the Lord how many things were getting me down and started thanking him for how many things lift me up every day.
This morning we helped the women fetch water from the pond and carry it to people in the village who were too ill to fetch it themselves. These women carry the buckets full of water on top of their heads with ease. I thought at many times that the water I was carrying would fall from my head and I would have to start over. The work these women do is unbelievable. They start at the crack of dawn and don't stop until the day is done. These people, in my opinion, are some of the greatest people God has created. I'm looking for Him in them and He is not hard to find at all. They've got all of the qualities we deem as Christ like... Qualities God wants all of us to obtain.
After performing daily chores with the locals, (milking goats, vaccinating turkeys, planting trees, etc.) I admire even more so the work these people do. I can't imagine doing activities like those every day. Looking out at the starry clear sky, I'm thinking of how it relates to life right now. The stars are bright and clear and closer than I've ever seen them. There is no electricity so they are easier to see. At home, city lights make the stars less noticeable. When you are in this place, everything becomes clearer. The simple things are the best things and it is easier to forget the things of the world and focus on people - children of God. At home I have responsibilities, commitments and duties. Here, I have them as well but they pertain completely to serving others as opposed to doing something for myself. When I am here I feel like I'm in God's hands, giving myself to Him to use for physical and spiritual service. I'm finding Him in each of them and I'm hoping that they will see the Light of Christ when they look at me."
July 10, 2012
"Today we spent the day in Bofu teaching at the school. My group and I taught the water cycle to an eighth grade class. Following our lesson, we opened it up for any questions that the kids had. Many of them asked questions about America and we taught them a little bit about our lifestyle. Following that, one boy asked a final question. He said, "If the lifestyle is so great in America, why did you come here?"
On our way home, we passed a house with words painted on the door that said, "Look at your life. Don't look at mine." I came here expecting to make a difference in their lives and to try to make them better. Although this is happening, it is important to also look at my own life. This whole expedition would be a waste if it didn't inspire me to love the life I live and to make changes within myself to become a better person. If I don't take what I learn from the experiences I have had and will still have, it will be all for nothing."
July 14th, 2012
(After returning from the safari) "We are back home in our mud huts. It's raining in Africa and it feels like a good time to share some thoughts. Last night we stayed in an extremely nice hotel complete with beds, toilets, running water and a buffet. After staying in a hut with only hammocks and a dirt floor, you would assume that staying in the hotel would have felt incredible. I was very grateful for the luxuries provided but at the same time I felt somewhat spoiled and undeserving. After seeing the conditions in which the people of Vikolani live in, I realize that things I used to consider necessities are not necessities at all but merely privileges. All of the added things we have are simply blessings that most of us take for granted. We have an old sheet hanging in our mud hut for the purpose of writing things at home that we have gained an appreciation for while living here. But as I look at the words on the sheet, I'm seeing how many of those things that we are grateful for are also often times distractions. Things like iPhones and Internet and other electronic devices. They can be used for good but they can also hinder us from doing activities such as serving others or helping those around us. I hope I will remember this. That the things of the world aren't as important as the people you can meet and the experiences you can have without them."
July 15th, 2012
"Last night we were able to use a projector to show a few movie clips to the people in the village. It was very cool to be able to be there with them as they experienced motion picture for the first time. My girls sat in my lap and all around me as we watched. At home I watch movies with my friends all the time. We spend lots of time trying to decide what movie to watch and where to watch it. Here, none of that mattered. We sat on the dirt ground with nothing to complain about except that the night had to end. The simplicity of everything here makes life enjoyable and easy. The people don't focus on what is going wrong or how things could be better. They are grateful for what they have and enjoy the small things in life. They are happy, truly happy. There is a phrase heard often here that is somewhat like "hakuna matata". "Sawa, sawa." It means, "It's all good." Life is good."
I woke up with a head cold this morning so I'm not feeling too great this afternoon. I'll be okay though. This morning we were able to attend a Christian sermon at Mnyenzeni Secondary School. I had never been to a church service that wasn't an LDS one so I was very excited to see the similarities and differences. The school classroom held our group as well as the secondary aged girls and the man conducting the service. When we arrived, the girls were singing praises to God. "Praise God", they would say over and over again. The service began by five of the girls sharing their testimonies with us. Some expressed gratitude for the guidance God gives us and others sang. I immediately felt the Spirit. It is the same Spirit I feel at home. It is the Spirit of God. I could feel His presence when I heard them speak and sing. It was then our group's turn to share our testimonies. Today I had the opportunity to stand in front of the young women in that school and the members of my group and tell them of my belief in God and the love He has for each and every one of us. "Praise God", I said. Because the sermon was full of songs, our group was invited to sing as well. We chose to sing "I Am a Child of God", The Spirit of God" and "Nearer My God to Thee" along with a few others. After singing and dancing and praising God, we listened to the man conducting the meeting teach us about love. Before doing so though, he commented on our singing. "They have some type of musical instrument inside their souls," he said. I will never forget how powerful music can be in bringing the Spirit. There is a major communication barrier between us and the Kenyans. But today as we sang, as we worshipped the same God, we realized that we are all children of Him. No matter the color of your skin or the country in which you live, He loves us all with His perfect love. The same love that He showed when He gave his only begotten son for us. In the sermon, we were asked, "What are you willing to give up to prove your love for God?" For us, He gave His son Jesus Christ. What can we give in return? Following the beautiful service, a small group of us were able to gather together at the Koins Community Center to partake of the sacrament. I am so grateful for the worthy young men on this expedition and their willingness to bless the sacrament so that we could renew our covenants with God - to "always remember Him." Perhaps the greatest thing we can give to Him in return."
July 17, 2012
"Yesterday was the first day since I have been here that I didn't write in my journal. Along with the two OT practitioners, I spent the day at the Sean Michels School. The Sean Michels School was built specifically for children with disabilities - kiddos who are very dear to me. In the villages, children who are born with physical or mental disabilities are viewed as bad omens. The school was built to house the children for three months at a time. After that period of time, the children are allowed to go home for one month before returning to the school. The children at the school are truly Heaven sent. What has surprised me most about Africa is the perception most people have of the people here and how distorted that perception is. We assume that because of the poverty and diseases and extremely poor living conditions that the people here are sad but they really aren't. Buffalo, a friend of Baba Bret, explained it like this... The people here are happy, not because of what they have, but because of the knowledge they have that God loves them just as much as anyone else in the world. The Spirit I feel around these people is indescribable. Despite the different beliefs, they all have one thing in common here and that is God. He loves us all the same."
July 18th, 2012
"Yesterday I was able to sit with Maselina at school. She is ten years old and in class four at Vikolani Primary School. The energy and enthusiasm the children here in Africa show in school is so much greater than that of the children in America. Each and every one of them show gratitude for the education they are offered. They appreciate the opportunity to learn and gain knowledge because they understand that it is the key to providing a successful future for themselves. I know that I personally have not always been grateful for the education opportunities I have had. I realize now how lucky I am to be able to receive an education that will provide me with employment opportunities in the future.
This afternoon we have been given a surprise moment of solitude to reflect on this experience. We have been asked to write a personal goal for ourselves, think about how to achieve it, consider obstacles that may get in the way and decide how we will avoid or overcome them. The goal I am setting for myself today is to always remember the people I have met here in Kenya and live my life with them in mind. I have been so blessed in my own life and it would be a complete waste if I were to return home and continue life the way I was living it before coming here. The people have taught me that hard work is the key to prosperity. They have taught me that happiness does not come from things but from people. Finally, they have taught me that gratitude for what we do have makes what we don't have seem very small. I have learned that we are all God's children and that He loves us all the same. He wants us to be happy and to use what He has given us to make others happy. I want to live my life with the experiences I have had here always in my mind. I want to remember the people here each time I eat a meal or go to school or sleep in a warm bed because I know that if I do remember them in every aspect of my life, I will always be grateful for what I have been blessed with. I worry that as time passes I will begin to forget the memories I have of Kenya and the people I have met. I hope that I will always remember the characteristics and qualities they have that I will one day have those same attributes. They are truly Christ like attributes and I believe that is why I feel His Spirit so strongly here. He has been with me every step of the way and has led me to learn some remarkable lessons that I can't wait to share with my friends and family at home."
July 19th, 2012
"Today was our final day in the village of Vikolani. Tomorrow we leave for Mombasa where we will spend the night there before heading for home. Leaving here is bittersweet. When I said goodbye to my friends at home, I cried because I knew I would miss them. Tonight I cried because I will miss the friends I have made here. I wish I could bring Maselina home with me. That girl has grown very dear to me and I wish her all the best in life. I will miss her beautiful smile and addictive laughter.
When I came here, I expected to learn and grow but I never expected to learn so much in such a short amount of time. This morning Maselina's mother stopped by our hut to check on me. Maselina had told her mother that I had been sick and she wanted to see how I was doing. The thoughtfulness and care that the people here have is remarkable. I have learned that concern for one another is one of the greatest qualities a person can have. If we don't care for each other, who will?
I can't put into words how I feel about the past two weeks. The experiences I have had will define who I am for the rest of my life. The people I have met will serve as role models for me and I will never forget the lessons I have learned from each one of them. The Duruma name that I was given is Bayou which means seed. I was told that without the seed, nothing can grow. The growth that has occurred within me over the past two and a half weeks is more than I could have ever imagined. I am eternally grateful for the opportunity to come to Kenya and I will always cherish the memories I have made of this beautiful place."
July 20th, 2012
"This morning we awoke from the last sleep in our hammocks and packed our things. There were some left over school supplies to take to Vikolani Primary School for donation so I offered to drop them off hoping to say goodbye to Maselina and Kupha. The principal of their school told them that they could walk Lisa, Natalie and I to the KCC if they returned to class immediately after. As we walked, I noticed my head pointing downward in order to see the road and avoid stumbling or tripping over the dirt and rocks. I realized at that moment that I was missing out on one last chance to see the village. If we are constantly focused on what is right in front of our faces, we truly miss out on everything surrounding that. It has been so refreshing to step away from the life I have at home for a bit and step into the lives of these Kenyan people. It amazes me how different circumstances can be under the same sky.
We are at an extremely nice hotel just a short distance from the village of Vikolani where the people live in mud huts with dirty water and unimaginable trials to face every single day. I can't help but feel spoiled as I sit in what feels like paradise. I wish that I could do more for them than what has been done. I wish that I could provide a way for each one of them to earn an education and obtain a job that could ensure a better lifestyle than the one they are forced to live. I have never had to say goodbye to someone knowing that I would probably never see them again. It's a very difficult thing to do. I'm missing them already. I just keep wondering "why?" Why was I blessed with such a wonderful life and why are these people who seem so much greater than me forced to live in these conditions. I guess I will never really know that answer, not for awhile at least, but I think maybe part of that reason is to remind me how truly blessed I am, to teach me the importance of hard work and education and to inspire me to share what I have learned with everyone I know."
I learned that the best hand is the helping hand.
I learned that being happy is a choice that is not at all dependent on what you have been given and that gratitude makes what we have been given enough.
I learned that sometimes the simple things in life are the best things in life.
I learned that change must begin within ourselves.
I learned that people and experiences always overrule material things.
I learned that God is the same no matter where life takes us and that His Spirit can be felt wherever we go.
I learned that God loves each and every one of us the same, despite our circumstances.
I learned that we are given specific people in our lives to teach us lessons that will make us better than we are today.
I learned that love for another is the greatest gift that we can offer.
Finally, I learned that sharing what inspires us to do good with others can inspire them to do good as well, which will lead to a better tomorrow for everyone.
8.27.2012
caught in a quick thought
I have a thought that I would like to share just quickly. I saw this question on Pinterest... I know, guilty as charged, but I really like it.
"Is what you're living for worth Christ dying for?"
Maybe if we ask ourselves that question, it will remind us of what is important and help us to focus less on the minute things that seem to distract us from the bigger picture - the picture we all would like to see ourselves in.
P.S. Africa experiences still to come!
"Is what you're living for worth Christ dying for?"
Maybe if we ask ourselves that question, it will remind us of what is important and help us to focus less on the minute things that seem to distract us from the bigger picture - the picture we all would like to see ourselves in.
P.S. Africa experiences still to come!
3.28.2012
"the girl with her period is the one to hang her head"
In poor and underprivileged countries, it is common for girls to receive minimal instruction on what menstruation is and how it can be managed. Discussions concerning this topic are perceived as inappropriate and shameful. Because solutions to this monthly occurrence have not been addressed, schoolgirls in Kenya often suffer consequences such as poor academic performance and more importantly, school absence, which disables a girl to pursue an education or a career. In Kenya, reproductive health issues are the leading cause of dropouts among primary age schoolgirls. Because they do not have resources to properly care for themselves during menstruation, girls will stay home one out of every four weeks to avoid shame and embarrassment. As a result, they receive less education and are more likely to cease going to school completely as they become older. According to www.concernusa.org, "Around 54 percent of out-of-school children are girls, yet studies have shown that women who are educated have greater earning potential, are less vulnerable to HIV infection, have fewer and healthier children, and are more likely to send their own children to school. Providing every mother in sub-Saharan Africa with a secondary education would save the lives of 1.8 million children."
As I stated in my previous blog post, this summer I will be traveling to Kenya through the non-profit organization Koins for Kenya. One of our projects is to build latrines for the Kenyan students near the schools. This will allow the girls to attend school even while they are menstruating because there will be a facility nearby for them to properly care for their symptoms rather than being forced to go to the bathroom in a nearby bush or behind a tree. As a fundraiser, we will be selling necklaces to raise money for the building of these latrines. However, we need YOUR help to do this.
We have been blessed with so many resources that many people around the world do not have the privilege of taking advantage of. We are extremely fortunate to have the option of earning an education if we so choose and so many of us take that for granted, including myself at times. Because of how abundantly I have been blessed, it would be so incredibly selfish not to use the resources I have been given to help improve the lives of others. Something as simple as a latrine may not seem monumental to us but to a Kenyan schoolgirl who has the desire to earn an education so that she can better her life, it will mean the world. If you would like to purchase a necklace or provide a donation, please let me know. Asante sana! (Thank you very much!)
(For more information: http://www.biomedcentral.com/content/pdf/1472-698X-11-7.pdf)
As I stated in my previous blog post, this summer I will be traveling to Kenya through the non-profit organization Koins for Kenya. One of our projects is to build latrines for the Kenyan students near the schools. This will allow the girls to attend school even while they are menstruating because there will be a facility nearby for them to properly care for their symptoms rather than being forced to go to the bathroom in a nearby bush or behind a tree. As a fundraiser, we will be selling necklaces to raise money for the building of these latrines. However, we need YOUR help to do this.
We have been blessed with so many resources that many people around the world do not have the privilege of taking advantage of. We are extremely fortunate to have the option of earning an education if we so choose and so many of us take that for granted, including myself at times. Because of how abundantly I have been blessed, it would be so incredibly selfish not to use the resources I have been given to help improve the lives of others. Something as simple as a latrine may not seem monumental to us but to a Kenyan schoolgirl who has the desire to earn an education so that she can better her life, it will mean the world. If you would like to purchase a necklace or provide a donation, please let me know. Asante sana! (Thank you very much!)
(For more information: http://www.biomedcentral.com/content/pdf/1472-698X-11-7.pdf)
3.07.2012
we are tested, but never abandoned
I apologize in advance for what I think will be the content of my blog over the next few months. I have recently realized that I actually enjoy reading and in preparation for Africa this summer, I have a long booklist to complete. Oh yes, I am going to Africa! This coming July I will be going to Kenya for a few weeks which will fulfill my spring semester Level I Fieldwork requirement. We are planning some amazing service projects for the people of Kenya and I can't wait to get involved in helping to make a difference in their lives.
In preparation for Africa, the first book that I read was written by Immaculee Ilibagiza, a survivor of the Rwanda genocide of 1994. In her autobiography, Left to Tell: Discovering God Amidst the Rwandan Holocaust, Immaculee tells the story of how the death of Rwandan's Hutu President sparked a three-month slaughter of nearly one million Tutsis. As a 22 year old Tutsi during this time, Immaculee was forced to hide in a Hutu pastor's bathroom with seven other Tutsi women for 91 days. During these terrifying three months, Immaculee relied on the power of prayer and God's saving grace to help her survive. Throughout the book, she shares her "aha moments" as she realizes that her battle to survive this war would have to be fought inside of her. At times, Immaculee was given personal revelation that she was being saved for an unknown reason which she later would find was to become "living proof of the power of prayer and positive thinking, which really are almost the same thing. God is the source of all positive energy, and prayer is the best way to tap in to His power."
Although desperately wanting to know why she was forced to go through this during the hardest moments, she says, "I came to learn that God never shows us something we aren't ready to understand. Instead, He lets us see what we need to see, when we need to see it. He'll wait until our eyes and hearts are open to Him, and then when we're ready, He will plant our feet on the path that's best for us...but it's up to us to do the walking." As humans in this life, there are so many things that are beyond our understanding. We ask God "why?" hoping that He will give us an explanation for every trial we are put through. We must realize that in hard times we are tested, but never abandoned. God gives us trials so that we can become stronger and although at times it seems impossible to know how something so hard is helping us, He is there to provide us those answers when we are ready for them. However, "it is up to us to do the walking." It is up to us to have faith in the future and trust in the Lord in all things, and if we do, we are sure to be led somewhere great.
In preparation for Africa, the first book that I read was written by Immaculee Ilibagiza, a survivor of the Rwanda genocide of 1994. In her autobiography, Left to Tell: Discovering God Amidst the Rwandan Holocaust, Immaculee tells the story of how the death of Rwandan's Hutu President sparked a three-month slaughter of nearly one million Tutsis. As a 22 year old Tutsi during this time, Immaculee was forced to hide in a Hutu pastor's bathroom with seven other Tutsi women for 91 days. During these terrifying three months, Immaculee relied on the power of prayer and God's saving grace to help her survive. Throughout the book, she shares her "aha moments" as she realizes that her battle to survive this war would have to be fought inside of her. At times, Immaculee was given personal revelation that she was being saved for an unknown reason which she later would find was to become "living proof of the power of prayer and positive thinking, which really are almost the same thing. God is the source of all positive energy, and prayer is the best way to tap in to His power."
Although desperately wanting to know why she was forced to go through this during the hardest moments, she says, "I came to learn that God never shows us something we aren't ready to understand. Instead, He lets us see what we need to see, when we need to see it. He'll wait until our eyes and hearts are open to Him, and then when we're ready, He will plant our feet on the path that's best for us...but it's up to us to do the walking." As humans in this life, there are so many things that are beyond our understanding. We ask God "why?" hoping that He will give us an explanation for every trial we are put through. We must realize that in hard times we are tested, but never abandoned. God gives us trials so that we can become stronger and although at times it seems impossible to know how something so hard is helping us, He is there to provide us those answers when we are ready for them. However, "it is up to us to do the walking." It is up to us to have faith in the future and trust in the Lord in all things, and if we do, we are sure to be led somewhere great.
1.18.2012
words to live by
I came across this passage during an Institute class that I attended most of last semester. I found the goals appropriate for this specific time of year when people are still trying to find something that they can focus on and achieve throughout 2012.
On January 2, 1891, John Andreas Widtsoe, a former member of the twelve apostles, wrote the following:
"As I have come to fully realize; that, I am as weak as all other mortals–perhaps weaker than many; and realizing that happiness in life is only obtained by having a pure heart, a clear conscience; and fearing the Lord and keeping his commandments; also as I realize that happiness in old age consists of reviewing a life devoid from great sins; the gratification of noble desires manfully carried out; and finding that my life up to this time has not been as I should like it to have been: I lay down the following regulations by which I shall try to conduct my life hereafter; to which end may the Lord Almighty, my Creator, help me.
Resolved:
1st. That religion, the science of sciences, be made my chief concernment throughout life.
2nd. That I will daily pray to God in secret.
3rd. That I will daily reflect upon God and his attributes and try to become like him.
4th. That I will receive Light, Wisdom or Knowledge, wherever or however it may be offered.
5th. That I never be ashamed to acknowledge my principles, beliefs and religion when I once become fully convinced of their correctness.
6th. That I never lose one moment of time but improve it.
7th. That I maintain strict temperance in eating and drinking.
8th. That I never do anything that I would not do were it the last hour of my life.
9th. That I daily read the word of God, that I may learn his will and that I may be comforted, strengthened and encouraged by so doing.
10th. That in any narrations I speak nothing but the pure and simple verity.
11th. That I always do that which I think is my duty and for the best good for my fellow beings.
12th. That I live with all my might while I do live, that I may not die a living death.
13th. That I never by word or manner try to force my opinions on others but that I simply state them and offer my arguments against others!
14th. That I seek to overcome the habit of being quick tempered, loud speaking, impatient motions and whatever might offend my fellowmen and hurt me.
15th. That I never for a moment forget my duty towards my mother, she who has made me who I am and who will make what I will become, she who has spent the better portion of her life in my behalf and to whom I owe all the honor, respect, and affection that I can give; also that I always remember my duties toward my brother and all my friends and relations.
16th. That I complete every task which I begin; also that I carefully consider my purpose and its results before taking upon me any duty.
17th. That I always remember that the men and women I meet are my brothers and sisters and that I look to the beam in my own eye before attempting to remove the mote in my fellow’s eye."
I admire the wisdom that John Andreas Widtsoe had when he wrote this at 19 years old. I know personally it would be impossible for me to live by all of these guidelines without frequently slipping up but focusing on even just one of the seventeen is guaranteed to help better ourselves and bring us closer to feeling true happiness. If you are still searching for something to improve on throughout this year, I encourage you to pick one of the above regulations. If we make it a goal to have a pure heart, a clear conscience and fear the Lord and keep his commandments, I believe that mastering the above principles will become so much easier and we will, as a result, obtain happiness in this life.
On January 2, 1891, John Andreas Widtsoe, a former member of the twelve apostles, wrote the following:
"As I have come to fully realize; that, I am as weak as all other mortals–perhaps weaker than many; and realizing that happiness in life is only obtained by having a pure heart, a clear conscience; and fearing the Lord and keeping his commandments; also as I realize that happiness in old age consists of reviewing a life devoid from great sins; the gratification of noble desires manfully carried out; and finding that my life up to this time has not been as I should like it to have been: I lay down the following regulations by which I shall try to conduct my life hereafter; to which end may the Lord Almighty, my Creator, help me.
Resolved:
1st. That religion, the science of sciences, be made my chief concernment throughout life.
2nd. That I will daily pray to God in secret.
3rd. That I will daily reflect upon God and his attributes and try to become like him.
4th. That I will receive Light, Wisdom or Knowledge, wherever or however it may be offered.
5th. That I never be ashamed to acknowledge my principles, beliefs and religion when I once become fully convinced of their correctness.
6th. That I never lose one moment of time but improve it.
7th. That I maintain strict temperance in eating and drinking.
8th. That I never do anything that I would not do were it the last hour of my life.
9th. That I daily read the word of God, that I may learn his will and that I may be comforted, strengthened and encouraged by so doing.
10th. That in any narrations I speak nothing but the pure and simple verity.
11th. That I always do that which I think is my duty and for the best good for my fellow beings.
12th. That I live with all my might while I do live, that I may not die a living death.
13th. That I never by word or manner try to force my opinions on others but that I simply state them and offer my arguments against others!
14th. That I seek to overcome the habit of being quick tempered, loud speaking, impatient motions and whatever might offend my fellowmen and hurt me.
15th. That I never for a moment forget my duty towards my mother, she who has made me who I am and who will make what I will become, she who has spent the better portion of her life in my behalf and to whom I owe all the honor, respect, and affection that I can give; also that I always remember my duties toward my brother and all my friends and relations.
16th. That I complete every task which I begin; also that I carefully consider my purpose and its results before taking upon me any duty.
17th. That I always remember that the men and women I meet are my brothers and sisters and that I look to the beam in my own eye before attempting to remove the mote in my fellow’s eye."
I admire the wisdom that John Andreas Widtsoe had when he wrote this at 19 years old. I know personally it would be impossible for me to live by all of these guidelines without frequently slipping up but focusing on even just one of the seventeen is guaranteed to help better ourselves and bring us closer to feeling true happiness. If you are still searching for something to improve on throughout this year, I encourage you to pick one of the above regulations. If we make it a goal to have a pure heart, a clear conscience and fear the Lord and keep his commandments, I believe that mastering the above principles will become so much easier and we will, as a result, obtain happiness in this life.
12.29.2011
an attitude of gratitude
I recently purchased a journal in hopes of recording things that I find I am grateful for as I experience life's every day events. I like to call it my gratitude journal. Clever, I know. As I thought today about what I have been blessed with, family was the first thing that came to mind. This particular time of year often brings families together and reminds us how lucky we are to have each other. It is during the other months of the year, however, that I need to improve on appreciating my family more and taking them for granted less. I have been blessed with a family that I wouldn't trade for anything. I value their love, acceptance and the haven they offer me from the merciless world. They say you never know what you have until it's gone but that doesn't mean we can't appreciate what we have now. We should recognize and be grateful for the people who are in our lives today. That way, if we are ever to lose any of them, we won't regret taking them for granted. In times of argument or disagreement, my father often says, "life is too short", implying that what we are upset about is not worth the trouble we are making it out to be. Life is too short to be anything but grateful for what and who we have in our lives. It is the people around us who make life complete. Without them, we are nothing. As we approach the coming year, I encourage you to make a special effort to appreciate the people around you, especially family, because if nothing else in this life lasts, families are forever.
11.29.2011
"you're going to be a better person"
I recently finished reading Don't Leave Me This Way: Or When I Get Back on My Feet You'll Be Sorry. Yes, that is the full title of the book and I recommend reading every page of it. In this book, Julia Fox Garrison relives her story as a survivor of a cerebrovascular accident and her struggle to recover to her maximum capacity. Although deemed the title "in denial" by just about everyone she comes in contact with, the 37 year old woman proves through her amazing optimism that determined, positive, and hopeful are very different than being in denial. She learns through her experience and teaches through her understanding that things happen for reasons, and sometimes we get to know why and sometimes we don't. But God has a plan. God put us here to do something. And if for no other reason, it is to become a better person.
This Thanksgiving season has been very different for me this year in the sense of things that I am grateful for. I am beginning to appreciate, simply by learning of others' experiences, the most basic things that most of us, including myself, have taken for granted over the course of our lives. Things like the ability to see, or to communicate, or to sit up, or to stand, or to walk, or to drive, or to have a functioning circulatory system, or to spend time with family. I appreciate being independent. As I sat talking with my grandfather after dinner on Thanksgiving, he taught me the importance of appreciating what God has blessed us with. He described to me the challenges of growing old and the difficulty he has had with accepting that death is indeed inevitable. But he taught me that giving up is never the answer. He taught by example that getting down on our knees each day to thank God for what He has given us can make all the difference, especially for the things we need every single day but tend to forget are a privilege to have.
God has a plan for each and every one of us and a mission for each of us to fulfill and He has given us what we need to do so. "We all have been given the power within us to overcome any situation. It's our choice as to whether we tap into that strength." Julia says, "It's better to find some area in your life where you can grow than it is to find some area where you can complain." And we should all try to move forward even if it means sometimes we have to fall backward because there is a power in positive thinking and attitude and there is joy in seeing challenge and opportunity in adversity, which makes a victory more worthwhile.
This Thanksgiving season has been very different for me this year in the sense of things that I am grateful for. I am beginning to appreciate, simply by learning of others' experiences, the most basic things that most of us, including myself, have taken for granted over the course of our lives. Things like the ability to see, or to communicate, or to sit up, or to stand, or to walk, or to drive, or to have a functioning circulatory system, or to spend time with family. I appreciate being independent. As I sat talking with my grandfather after dinner on Thanksgiving, he taught me the importance of appreciating what God has blessed us with. He described to me the challenges of growing old and the difficulty he has had with accepting that death is indeed inevitable. But he taught me that giving up is never the answer. He taught by example that getting down on our knees each day to thank God for what He has given us can make all the difference, especially for the things we need every single day but tend to forget are a privilege to have.
God has a plan for each and every one of us and a mission for each of us to fulfill and He has given us what we need to do so. "We all have been given the power within us to overcome any situation. It's our choice as to whether we tap into that strength." Julia says, "It's better to find some area in your life where you can grow than it is to find some area where you can complain." And we should all try to move forward even if it means sometimes we have to fall backward because there is a power in positive thinking and attitude and there is joy in seeing challenge and opportunity in adversity, which makes a victory more worthwhile.
9.20.2011
pursuit of happiness
I have an ongoing love-hate relationship with school. The constant stress of assignments and tests make me want to scream. But on days like today, I remember how truly grateful I am to be doing what I am doing. Once I get past the anxiety of the overload of information needing to be learned, remembered and recited, I remember how truly amazing the field of occupational therapy is.
Today we had the privilege of listening to two guest speakers inform our class about their personal experiences having undergone a stroke. Rob, one of the speakers, said, "I can be sad or I can be happy, but I choose to be happy. I see the good things in life now rather than the bad." Unfortunately for him, it took the occurrence of a life threatening disorder to make this man realize what really matters in life. But for most of us, it doesn't have to take a near death experience to make us see the good in life rather than the bad. It is a conscious choice whether or not we want to be happy and in my opinion, we all have reason to be happy so why waste time being pessimistic and feeling sorry for ourselves?
As a student in the OTA Program, I get to see an array of people with disabilities ranging from mild to moderate to severe. But even a mild disability is a disability nonetheless and even the smallest challenge can make life so much more difficult than a person deserves for it to be. How many of us are fortunate enough to act independently? And how many of us take that for granted? Maybe it is a hasty generalization to say, but I would guess that most of us in that category still feel sorry for ourselves the majority of the time something unfortunate happens to us. Seeing so many people with challenges far greater than mine gives me a better appreciation for the life I have and reminds me of how many things there are to be happy about. Happiness isn't determined by what happens to us, it is determined by how we respond to what happens to us. Though at times it may feel impossible to find, there is always something positive that can come from a negative situation. However, it is up to us to find it. It is up to us to look for the good and to choose to be happy. And it shouldn't be hard, because after all, we all have something to be happy about.
Today we had the privilege of listening to two guest speakers inform our class about their personal experiences having undergone a stroke. Rob, one of the speakers, said, "I can be sad or I can be happy, but I choose to be happy. I see the good things in life now rather than the bad." Unfortunately for him, it took the occurrence of a life threatening disorder to make this man realize what really matters in life. But for most of us, it doesn't have to take a near death experience to make us see the good in life rather than the bad. It is a conscious choice whether or not we want to be happy and in my opinion, we all have reason to be happy so why waste time being pessimistic and feeling sorry for ourselves?
As a student in the OTA Program, I get to see an array of people with disabilities ranging from mild to moderate to severe. But even a mild disability is a disability nonetheless and even the smallest challenge can make life so much more difficult than a person deserves for it to be. How many of us are fortunate enough to act independently? And how many of us take that for granted? Maybe it is a hasty generalization to say, but I would guess that most of us in that category still feel sorry for ourselves the majority of the time something unfortunate happens to us. Seeing so many people with challenges far greater than mine gives me a better appreciation for the life I have and reminds me of how many things there are to be happy about. Happiness isn't determined by what happens to us, it is determined by how we respond to what happens to us. Though at times it may feel impossible to find, there is always something positive that can come from a negative situation. However, it is up to us to find it. It is up to us to look for the good and to choose to be happy. And it shouldn't be hard, because after all, we all have something to be happy about.
9.12.2011
did you think to pray?
As I sat at the kitchen table studying tonight, I couldn't help but feel extremely stressed and overwhelmed thinking about what lies ahead of me in this program. I glanced up only to find a plaque with a simple, yet powerful word on it: Pray. Below the word was printed, "Did you think to pray?"
Philippians 4:13 says, "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." Christ is the help; prayer is the means by which we ask for help.
Philippians 4:13 says, "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." Christ is the help; prayer is the means by which we ask for help.
7.11.2011
time
As I lay here on my unmade bed amidst endless piles of clothing, I can't help but feel overwhelmed by this disaster of a room. It's ironic, however, that I have let my room get so disorganized because those who know me best would most likely describe me as someone with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. It's a problem, really, and it has taken over many areas of my life. I'm a perfectionist but as of late, I have started to question why. As Amy and I shared one of our typical "I called you to tell you one simple piece of information, but 50 minutes and 48 seconds later we are still talking about who knows what" phone calls this evening, we joked about how tonight was the first night either one of us had spent an evening at home in the past two months. We joked about how neither one of us make good use of our time and that if we were actually to prioritize the things in our lives, our rooms might not look like the Tasmanian Devil just paid each one of us a visit. But rather than taking a simple 45 minutes to clean my room, here I am writing about it instead. After all, the title of my blog is "a thought for today, an action tomorrow." So I'll think about doing it today and maybe tomorrow I'll actually get around to cleaning it.
*Side note: That is not AT ALL what the title of my blog implies that you should do with your life. I just can't help but be a smart aleck sometimes, even if it is in response to myself.
But I am writing about it because despite the stress of the unorganized piles of clothing and the misplaced shoes, I relate this mess to my life. As I stated earlier, I have begun to question why I feel the need to strive to be perfect in every aspect of my life when in reality I know that no one is perfect, save it be the Lord, Jesus Christ. What I am learning is that finding time to spend with close friends and family is much more important than making sure that the clothes in my closet are color coordinated. I spend so much time wishing that I was older, more accomplished and closer to getting on with my life than I am right now. But I am starting to realize that getting on with my life doesn't start when I graduate from college, or get married, or have a family. Getting on with my life starts right now. Getting on with my life starts by spending time with the people I love and care about. Getting on with my life starts by taking chances and deciding to find the good in whatever the outcomes may be.
Rex W. Allred said, "The challenge to better utilize our time grows larger and larger as we take on more of life's responsibilities and leadership roles. By seeking to master the separate skills that relate to our personal effectiveness, we will be able to meet this challenge. We will be able to strengthen our contribution to the Lord's work, our impact as leaders, and our faithfulness in managing carefully one of the most important resources given to us by the Lord in this mortal life - time." So I challenge you today to begin "getting on with your lives" and remember that it isn't about how much time you have, it's about what you do with the time you are given that makes all the difference.
*Side note: That is not AT ALL what the title of my blog implies that you should do with your life. I just can't help but be a smart aleck sometimes, even if it is in response to myself.
But I am writing about it because despite the stress of the unorganized piles of clothing and the misplaced shoes, I relate this mess to my life. As I stated earlier, I have begun to question why I feel the need to strive to be perfect in every aspect of my life when in reality I know that no one is perfect, save it be the Lord, Jesus Christ. What I am learning is that finding time to spend with close friends and family is much more important than making sure that the clothes in my closet are color coordinated. I spend so much time wishing that I was older, more accomplished and closer to getting on with my life than I am right now. But I am starting to realize that getting on with my life doesn't start when I graduate from college, or get married, or have a family. Getting on with my life starts right now. Getting on with my life starts by spending time with the people I love and care about. Getting on with my life starts by taking chances and deciding to find the good in whatever the outcomes may be.
Rex W. Allred said, "The challenge to better utilize our time grows larger and larger as we take on more of life's responsibilities and leadership roles. By seeking to master the separate skills that relate to our personal effectiveness, we will be able to meet this challenge. We will be able to strengthen our contribution to the Lord's work, our impact as leaders, and our faithfulness in managing carefully one of the most important resources given to us by the Lord in this mortal life - time." So I challenge you today to begin "getting on with your lives" and remember that it isn't about how much time you have, it's about what you do with the time you are given that makes all the difference.
4.21.2011
no one is as deaf as the man who will not listen
Because I completed all of the prerequisite courses for the Occupational Therapy Assistant Program last semester, I am currently taking Communications which is the last class needing to be completed before I begin the program in August. Though it is not the most challenging or thought provoking class that I have ever taken, if there is one thing I have learned and will take away from this course, it is how to be a better listener.
Most of us would argue that we almost always aim to understand what others are saying but more often than not, we become distracted by other things and forget to pay full attention to the person who is communicating a message to us. We need to listen to understand, not to respond. Though there are many things a person can do to avoid becoming distracted, my textbook listed two things that I personally believe are most important when listening to someone. First, withhold judgment and second, demonstrate an attitude of equality.
In my opinion, nothing positive comes from judging someone. It's a game of comparison. You compare yourself to them only to find that you think, for whatever reason, that you are superior to them. Or, in the opposite situation, you find yourself belittling who you are as a person because you feel that you aren't as competent in one area or another as they are. So, stop judging. There is always someone who has it worse than you do. On the other hand, there will always be someone who has it better than you. But if you truly listen to someone, listen to what they are saying and try to understand how they are feeling, you no longer have that sick need to place yourself above or below them because by understanding them, you eliminate that all-natural human judgment that comes from ignorance. And by eliminating judgment, you begin to demonstrate an attitude of equality.
For those of you who watch Modern Family, you may remember when Mitchell said, "People can surprise you. You get used to thinking of them one way... stuck in their roles, they are what they are... and then they do something that shows you there's all this depth and dimension that you never knew existed." If we withhold judgment and demonstrate an attitude of equality, we may just find that not everyone is who we thought they were. We may find that we have more respect for people than we thought we did. And most importantly, we may find that people will be more willing to confide in us because they trust that we will listen to understand them, not just to respond to them.
Most of us would argue that we almost always aim to understand what others are saying but more often than not, we become distracted by other things and forget to pay full attention to the person who is communicating a message to us. We need to listen to understand, not to respond. Though there are many things a person can do to avoid becoming distracted, my textbook listed two things that I personally believe are most important when listening to someone. First, withhold judgment and second, demonstrate an attitude of equality.
In my opinion, nothing positive comes from judging someone. It's a game of comparison. You compare yourself to them only to find that you think, for whatever reason, that you are superior to them. Or, in the opposite situation, you find yourself belittling who you are as a person because you feel that you aren't as competent in one area or another as they are. So, stop judging. There is always someone who has it worse than you do. On the other hand, there will always be someone who has it better than you. But if you truly listen to someone, listen to what they are saying and try to understand how they are feeling, you no longer have that sick need to place yourself above or below them because by understanding them, you eliminate that all-natural human judgment that comes from ignorance. And by eliminating judgment, you begin to demonstrate an attitude of equality.
For those of you who watch Modern Family, you may remember when Mitchell said, "People can surprise you. You get used to thinking of them one way... stuck in their roles, they are what they are... and then they do something that shows you there's all this depth and dimension that you never knew existed." If we withhold judgment and demonstrate an attitude of equality, we may just find that not everyone is who we thought they were. We may find that we have more respect for people than we thought we did. And most importantly, we may find that people will be more willing to confide in us because they trust that we will listen to understand them, not just to respond to them.
2.01.2011
make new friends but keep the old
Lately, I have been feeling a large amount of gratitude for the many influential people in my life: friends. For me, they are the people I turn to in good times and in bad. It is difficult to put into words how much I appreciate them and all that they have done for me.
Unfortunately, in the past, there have been several times when I have lost touch with good friends due to various reasons. But more often than not, those reasons should not have had the power to disconnect me from people who made a lasting, positive impact on my life. There are many factors that can affect and have a negative impact on a friendship but most of the time it is how we respond to those factors that determines whether or not we will be able to forgive and forget. Sometimes we expect too much of each other, sometimes we make promises that we cannot keep, and sometimes we say things that should have been left unsaid. But in the end, we need to remember that everyone makes mistakes and most of the time, people want to be forgiven. Most of the time, people want to be trusted and most of the time, people deserve to be trusted.
Unfortunately, in the past, there have been several times when I have lost touch with good friends due to various reasons. But more often than not, those reasons should not have had the power to disconnect me from people who made a lasting, positive impact on my life. There are many factors that can affect and have a negative impact on a friendship but most of the time it is how we respond to those factors that determines whether or not we will be able to forgive and forget. Sometimes we expect too much of each other, sometimes we make promises that we cannot keep, and sometimes we say things that should have been left unsaid. But in the end, we need to remember that everyone makes mistakes and most of the time, people want to be forgiven. Most of the time, people want to be trusted and most of the time, people deserve to be trusted.
12.27.2010
another year, another chance to make a change
Each new year brings another opportunity to reflect on the past 365 days and to look forward to the next 365 days. New Year's resolutions give us the chance to decide for ourselves what we want to change or improve upon throughout the coming year. But most likely more often than not, those resolutions made on New Year's Eve are pushed aside and forgotten about within a short period of time. In my opinion, this happens because we are selfish. We make resolutions regarding ourselves, so when the time comes to carry out those resolutions, we reevaluate what we want at that moment and most of the time we want to do the easiest thing which usually does not include making a change or improving anything about ourselves. According to one online poll, the top ten New Year's resolutions for 2010 were listed as follows:
- Stop smoking
- Get into a habit of being fit
- Lose weight
- Enjoy life more
- Quit drinking
- Get organized
- Learn something new
- Get out of debt
- Spend more time with family
- Help other people
12.22.2010
winter weather
A new year approaches and it feels like a good time to start a blog. I'm not much of a writer though, so we'll see how long this lasts.
I just finished another semester at Salt Lake Community College. I have now officially completed all of the prerequisite courses for the Occupational Therapy Assistant Program. My application is in the mail so I am crossing my fingers and hoping that I will be accepted into the program next fall.
As a senior in high school, I had the opportunity to peer tutor several students with disabilities. Although it was tough at times and my patience was often tested, my experiences with each of the students changed who I wanted to be in the future. I loved being able to make a positive difference in each of their lives and I knew that I wanted to continue working with people who have disabilities throughout the remainder of my own life. After graduating from the OTA Program at SLCC, I would like to work with children who have disabilities in an educational setting.
This year, two of the students I had the opportunity to peer tutor were nominated Homecoming King and Queen at Murray High School. They say a picture is worth a thousand words, but I think this one is worth a million. Congratulations, Dillon and Alisha.
As Christmas approaches, I hope that we can all remember the true meaning of this holiday season. President David O. McKay said, "True happiness comes only by making others happy - the practical application of the Savior's doctrine of losing one's life to gain it. In short, the Christmas spirit is the Christ spirit, that makes our hearts glow in brotherly love and friendship and prompts us to kind deeds of service." President Thomas S. Monson said, "Giving, not getting, brings to full bloom the Christmas Spirit. Enemies are forgiven, friends remembered, and God obeyed. The spirit of Christmas illuminates the picture window of the soul, and we look out upon the world's busy life and become more interested in people than things. To catch the real meaning of the "spirit of Christmas," we need only drop the last syllable, and it becomes the "Spirit of Christ."
I am looking forward to spending the holidays with my family and I cannot wait to see what this coming year has in store. Merry Christmas and I wish for you all a Happy New Year.
I just finished another semester at Salt Lake Community College. I have now officially completed all of the prerequisite courses for the Occupational Therapy Assistant Program. My application is in the mail so I am crossing my fingers and hoping that I will be accepted into the program next fall.
As a senior in high school, I had the opportunity to peer tutor several students with disabilities. Although it was tough at times and my patience was often tested, my experiences with each of the students changed who I wanted to be in the future. I loved being able to make a positive difference in each of their lives and I knew that I wanted to continue working with people who have disabilities throughout the remainder of my own life. After graduating from the OTA Program at SLCC, I would like to work with children who have disabilities in an educational setting.
This year, two of the students I had the opportunity to peer tutor were nominated Homecoming King and Queen at Murray High School. They say a picture is worth a thousand words, but I think this one is worth a million. Congratulations, Dillon and Alisha.
 |
| Homecoming 2010 Stetson Seitz, Alisha Michials, Dillon Earl, Nicole Walker |
As Christmas approaches, I hope that we can all remember the true meaning of this holiday season. President David O. McKay said, "True happiness comes only by making others happy - the practical application of the Savior's doctrine of losing one's life to gain it. In short, the Christmas spirit is the Christ spirit, that makes our hearts glow in brotherly love and friendship and prompts us to kind deeds of service." President Thomas S. Monson said, "Giving, not getting, brings to full bloom the Christmas Spirit. Enemies are forgiven, friends remembered, and God obeyed. The spirit of Christmas illuminates the picture window of the soul, and we look out upon the world's busy life and become more interested in people than things. To catch the real meaning of the "spirit of Christmas," we need only drop the last syllable, and it becomes the "Spirit of Christ."
I am looking forward to spending the holidays with my family and I cannot wait to see what this coming year has in store. Merry Christmas and I wish for you all a Happy New Year.
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